My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
false alarm. still invincible.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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