I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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