He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
