Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
