It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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