i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
