Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
