i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
