watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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