A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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