Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
