once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
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