you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
