So drunk, too bad you don't want this
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i think im in europe. pls send help
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize