i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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