ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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