I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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