so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
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Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
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Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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