please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
