why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
