Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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