For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
