It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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