2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
