she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
