Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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