I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
