I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
