That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
did i walk over a car last night?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
