Your face is a jimmy john
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Randomize
