Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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