i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
