Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she looked like the before picture.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
