I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
