this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
