i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
