Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
