i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
