I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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