Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
