I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
