I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
