What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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