You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
