if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize