I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
