I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
