good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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