There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
pray to the hookup gods
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
