I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
