Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
