found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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