A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
