Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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