its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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