So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
