I hate your face
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
