When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
