your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
