I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
His nipple licking is glorious
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