All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
