woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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