He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
