honey bunches of taint.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
