Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
it's like heaven, but drunker
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
