my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
