I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
