Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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