Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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