i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Randomize
