I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
