I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
