dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm always down for nudity.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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