It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
