I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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