you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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