Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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