i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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