I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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