dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
