I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
