dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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